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The ultimate gift-giving alignment chart
We're beyond "for him" and "for her" gift guides by now, right?
It's 2023. Surely we, as a society, have evolved beyond the need for boring (and frankly heteronormative) gender-based gift guides? Would we not be better served by a gift guide based on something more universal than gender? Something like, say, Dungeons & Dragons character alignment?
It's simple. Take this quiz to find out your - or your gift recipient's - alignment (if you don't already know), then discover your perfect gift below.
The best gifts based on your (or your giftee's) D&D alignment
Lawful good folks are compassionate and always see the good in people. However, they're also bound by a strong sense of duty, honour and justice. If you're one of these goody-two-shoes, you're probably one of those people who says Christmas isn't about gifts - it's about spending time with the ones you love. We're not saying you're wrong, just a bit basic.
Your gift is something wholly altruistic, like a donation to charity. Everyone will be simultaneously impressed and annoyed by your act of generosity.
Neutral good people are kind of like lawful good people, but without the smarmy sense of superiority. They're the kind of people who give money to homeless people and don't post about it on social media immediately afterwards.
They're also the kind of people who give (and like to receive) gift cards instead of actual presents. It's not out of laziness - they simply think it's the best gift.
Chaotic good people prefer to follow their consciences rather than the rules, but they're still inherently good people who always fight for the greater good, even if it happens to be in a roundabout kind of way.
They're the kind of people who go over the $100 gift limit and buy their giftee the new iPhone, or, somehow, perhaps even a PS5. Just don't ask them where they got the money to afford such a lavish gift. You won't get an answer.
If you're lawful neutral, you were probably one of those kids who used to rat out classmates for bringing banned toys to school. (I'll never forgive you for getting my Tamagotchi confiscated, Aaron). You do what you're told, even if it's not necessarily good for you or the people close to you.
Your go-to gift (or the gift to give to a lawful neutral mate) is something boring but inherently useful, like socks or undies. At least try to make it fun by getting some Happy Socks or MeUndies that actually have some personality. Unlike you.
Ahh, true neutrals - the human embodiments of the colour beige. The most inoffensive people you'll ever meet and are usually pretty chill.
If you're one of them, you probably leave gift-buying to the last minute, so you'll just regift that present you got last year and never touched again. If you're buying for a true neutral, you officially have permission to regift right back to them.
Chaotic neutral people are the best kind of people - and I'm not just saying that because I happen to be one.
Just like true neutrals, you're not the most prepared person in the world. You're not lazy - you just have better things to do, like living your life. You're not even prepared enough to get a gift card, which at least requires some effort. You're just going to throw some cash in a card and call it a day. Or you might just bail on the whole gift-giving thing completely. You do you.
The only thing a lawful evil wants is power, which makes gift-giving a bit of a challenge.
If you're buying for a lawful evil person, you've got to go for Lord or Lady title (and accompanying 1sqft plot of land). That's at least giving them the illusion of power. And if you are a lawful evil person, you'll probably buy a plot of land for your giftee, then buy yourself the surrounding eight plots so they'll always know who's in charge.
Neutral evil folk see any gift-giving occasion as an opportunity to benefit themselves - even if it means gently (or not so gently) insulting the recipient.
Your go-to gift is something hygiene-related. A toothbrush, nail clippers, but more often than not, you go for the classic: a Lynx Africa gift set. Anyone who has given you a Lynx Africa gift set is neutral evil, no exceptions. They also think you smell bad.
I've yet to meet a truly chaotic evil person and I hope I never will. If you're unfortunate enough to know one, I have only sympathy for you.
The only appropriate gift for a chaotic evil person (aside from a referral to a good therapist) is a glitter bomb. It's probably what they're going to give you, so you might as well fight fire with fire.